What reason do I have to be sad or angry? I have you to dream about, and that is more valuable to me than the touch of another man. I don't ask anything of you but what you cannot refuse. I don't ask for your time or your intimacy or your love. I can live without the sight of your beautiful smile. I can live without feeling your body against mine. But, I cannot live without offering you my best, Magnus. I know you probably think Vanessa coached me, and told me what to say to you, but she didn't. I am saying only what is true to my heart. I feel it in my soul and through my body too. I asked Vanessa how to win your affection, and she told me to be myself, and that is what I am doing. I can only offer you myself, and I only give it to you as it is. Be cruel to me. Be selfish or arrogant or corrupt. Lie to me and make me believe you're not the man I love so uncontrollably. Save me this fate, and allow me to live without this fire inside that only burns brighter with your every word. Or, join me in this love to whatever capacity you require, even if only a kiss. I will be nothing but lips if that is all you require of me. But, the more you demand of me, the greater I become. Demand more of me, Magnus. Show me the woman I can be, and I will prove that I could not disappoint you.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Meeting Magnus
Finally :)
I met with Magnus!
We met in a coffee house. He told me there was to be no misunderstanding. He said that I must be ready for anything. I told him I was. I was dressed appropriately, I think, a white sweater and skirt. My favorite boots. White stockings. No undies. :)
It was delightful. He is a gentleman, and we talked about all sorts of things. Music, art, philosophy. It was like getting to know him all over again from a different perspective. I know that sometimes it feels weird to talk to someone who you have only really got to know through email, but with him it felt normal. He knew his 'public' self was totally different than the person I knew. We both knew that. Yet, there was something surreal and exciting about understanding the person beneath the facade. Something very naughty and sexy. I had read all about his desires and wants. I knew exactly how he wanted to make love to me. He knew how badly I wanted his manhood in my mouth. Because of this I was nervous at first when I sat down, but was comfortable as soon as he smiled. I felt very vulnerable but very safe right away. It was lovely.
I wish I could tell you how his hand felt against my bare flesh or how tender his lips felt against mine. During our conversation I thought about sex, his stories, his desires. They were all there stirring just beneath the surface and I wondered if he would act on them. I wanted him to. I wanted him to so bad. I wondered if he could tell. I didn't want him to think too little of me, like I was a slut, so I was proper and sensible the whole time (almost). He knows he can have me whenever he wants me, though. (But I wanted him to want me right then lol.) Anyway, I'm not very good at writing about exactly what happened, and I don't think he would want me to anyway, but I am in love with him now more than ever and I am not afraid to say it. My sister Sara and I met afterward. She hears about the things Magnus and I talk about. And she tells me everything too, because Magnus doesn't mind if we share things between us. These are things that I can't say on a blog like this one, even though I want to. Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm happy and I feel free, and I know I will see Magnus soon again. I can't wait :)
I met with Magnus!
We met in a coffee house. He told me there was to be no misunderstanding. He said that I must be ready for anything. I told him I was. I was dressed appropriately, I think, a white sweater and skirt. My favorite boots. White stockings. No undies. :)
It was delightful. He is a gentleman, and we talked about all sorts of things. Music, art, philosophy. It was like getting to know him all over again from a different perspective. I know that sometimes it feels weird to talk to someone who you have only really got to know through email, but with him it felt normal. He knew his 'public' self was totally different than the person I knew. We both knew that. Yet, there was something surreal and exciting about understanding the person beneath the facade. Something very naughty and sexy. I had read all about his desires and wants. I knew exactly how he wanted to make love to me. He knew how badly I wanted his manhood in my mouth. Because of this I was nervous at first when I sat down, but was comfortable as soon as he smiled. I felt very vulnerable but very safe right away. It was lovely.
I wish I could tell you how his hand felt against my bare flesh or how tender his lips felt against mine. During our conversation I thought about sex, his stories, his desires. They were all there stirring just beneath the surface and I wondered if he would act on them. I wanted him to. I wanted him to so bad. I wondered if he could tell. I didn't want him to think too little of me, like I was a slut, so I was proper and sensible the whole time (almost). He knows he can have me whenever he wants me, though. (But I wanted him to want me right then lol.) Anyway, I'm not very good at writing about exactly what happened, and I don't think he would want me to anyway, but I am in love with him now more than ever and I am not afraid to say it. My sister Sara and I met afterward. She hears about the things Magnus and I talk about. And she tells me everything too, because Magnus doesn't mind if we share things between us. These are things that I can't say on a blog like this one, even though I want to. Anyway, that's enough for now. I'm happy and I feel free, and I know I will see Magnus soon again. I can't wait :)
Monday, March 1, 2010
Law
Words. I wish I knew how to use them as you liked. I wish I could tell you all the nasty things I want to do to you. They all well up inside me, but then they just burn within and never get written down, because I don't know how to write them. They are too raw, or intimate, or something. I don't know. All the words I think of are either too sensitive: touch, sooth, caress, or they are too dirty: cock, suck, fuck. I want all these words to be part of our vocabulary, but I will permit you to put them together in any way you please. Do you believe me, Magnus? Do you believe I could fulfill your imagination? To me your word is law. I want to be a good girl, and follow the law...
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