Giving Myself Away

One of the first times I talked to Magnus he was holding my hands from across the table. He looked directly into my eyes and said: "you should avoid me, Mary. I will end up hurting you." I shook my head and said that he wouldn't, no matter what. He said: "you will begin to love me, and then you will want me for yourself, and you will not be able to let me go. If you can't let me go entirely, I might never come back." I nodded and said that I understood. I said that I was his and that he was not mine, and that I was strong enough to love him like this. I was so sure I could love him under any conditions. My sisters loved him, and continue to love him, and they told me to stay away too. They said they didn't want to see me hurt, but I thought they just wanted less competition. I had no idea.

I knew Magnus had lots of girlfriends. When he introduced himself to me I had already read his whole blog. I felt like I already knew him so well. I felt like it was impossible for him to hurt me. When we are together he is so tender and passionate and he makes me feel so comfortable and sexy. When we are apart I write to him and he writes to me. From the time we first made love he told me all about what he was doing and who he was with. He has no secrets with me or any of us girls and is sure we always know who he is with and what he is doing. On Thursday I read about his evening with Lin before I met him for lunch. He had talked about her, and I had met her, but as I read I just couldn't help feeling sad. Something inside me yearns to be everything Magnus wants. I think "why would he need her when he could have me?" I knew I wasn't allowed to feel angry, but I just, well, was. When I got to his place he embraced me and kissed me, and could tell something was up.

After lunch we sat on the couch and he asked me what was wrong. The way he touches me makes him almost impossible to be angry at, but I still pouted and told him that I had been disappointed when I read about Lin. I asked him why he needed her when he could have me any way he wants? He told me he loves me, and when you love someone, you set them free. You let them blow like the wind and let their love find you. He said love does not envy or covet or restrain, but is forever free so long as we open our hearts and our souls. He was kissing my hand as he told me this and I just melted. I suddenly couldn't imagine what came over me, and he started giving me a foot massage, going on about how much he hopes I never envy or hate or do anything to distance myself from him. I knew I never would. He just warms me so easily, and it's unfair, just impossible. I suddenly needed him more than ever as his hands moved over my toes.

Then I felt he was hard under his jeans and began rubbing him through his pants with my toes. Back and forth as he told me more about how love just somehow finds a way against all odds so long as we trust and believe in it. He looked at me and I looked at his crotch then back into his eyes. He got the idea and pulled his cock out of his pants and then I started to give him a foot job! I had never done that, but I learned to sort of brace it with one foot and rub with the other. He leaned his head back and I felt him get harder against my feet. Then he took a picture, and I started to get into it, and he took more pictures. Giving a foot job is hard work because it turns out feet really weren't designed perfectly for the task. So, I got up, crawled down between his legs, and gave him something that he could feel a little better. By now I was completely over my funk and determined to make it up to him. Before long he grabbed me and threw me so I sort of dove back onto the couch, and I could her him jacking off to my feet and I don't know why, but this was an extreme turn on. After a minute he came all over my feet! Then he sat down, put my feet back on his lap and took a few more pictures. I just can't imagine anyone else doing this, but with Magnus, it's just like nothing out of the ordinary, and I think I already knew he would post those pictures on his blog, which he did. After that it was time for class, so I cleaned up, he kissed me, and, so, that was basically how I made it up to him.

It's hard loving him sometimes, but I'm getting better. I will remember to trust him and know that he loves me even when he is with other girls. After all, I know he still loves them when he is with me. For now, I just know that the more I give myself to Magnus completely, the more love will find me.

I Have Matriculated

Since classes started things have been crazy. I moved from home into a freshman dorm, which is extremely liberating, although I have a full load of classes. It seems like all I do is go to class, eat, study, and sleep. There's so little time to see Magnus. :( Don't worry, we make good use of our time together :)

Anyway, I've met so many new and wonderful people, especially my roommate, Liz. She is from a small town, and we got along right away. We're both sorta shy and geeky and wear glasses and everything. She is delightfully chirpy and silly and I know she'll make college and all its struggles all the more enjoyable. We have lots in common. She is the youngest of three sisters, we're both Tauruses, and we are both night owls, which is very important. I don't know if she has quite the deviant side I do, but if she does, I'll find out. We haven't talked much about sex, but she is the cutest little thing and I totally wish I had her boobs. They are perfectly pert and round, and seem to defy gravity without a bra. She already knows I have boob envy. Mine are still developing, that's all.

Well, back to work.

Here's a pic from my new dorm room. I took this today when Liz was at class. x

I'm back :)

Oh dear, it has been a busy summer ;) Reading through my posts I feel like I've grown so much...as a woman, a lover, a human. I have learned what it means to serve, to lust, to truly yearn. I have discovered the bitter suffering of patience and the sweet pain of desire. I have learned what it means to beg, to grovel, to hurt for more. I have trained my body to glide with a man's, adapting to his every move. I have learned the immense pleasures of a woman's touch. I now know how to accept, embrace, and delight in so many ways. With Magnus, I feel the look in his eyes through my body whenever we meet. I smell him on my clothes and on my sheets. I just can't stand it. I want to live in his smell.

We have written to each other so much, and so much has happened. I don't know where to begin. I originally started this blog because I needed an outlet. I needed some place to talk about hidden desires and fantasies, because I felt like I was always horny and thinking of inappropriate things (for a sensible young lady). So, this blog was that outlet. Then, when Magnus and I got together, I guess he was my outlet because I told him everything I was thinking and he told me everything he was thinking. I read everything he wrote (on his blog) and learned what he was thinking, and experimented with his body and mine, and now we know each other so well. But, the problem is, I'm more horny than ever, and all I want is Magnus, but he isn't always around.

So, I intend to resume this blog, because I need to remember the crazy things that have happened in my summer of love. I will describe how I became Magnus' "Goddess Slut." He said he calls me "Goddess" because I am proper and tidy in general, and he says sort of quiet and unapproachable. It's true, sort of, because I dress rather prudish in general. He calls me "Slut" for reasons that will become obvious. :) I think I dress so proper because of all the dirty things going on in my mind. Since I'm sharing, one thing I've discovered is that I love everything about Magnus' semen. (total blush) God help me, I love how it feels inside me or on my lips or my skin. I love how it smells and tastes. It's my obsession, and maybe also because of the way it affects Magnus. Like, when we were out with his family (of all people) drinking a malt this afternoon I wiped some that had spilled on my chin and looked at Magnus, and we were both thinking the exact same thing. Suddenly that drop of malt turned into the most delicious thing ever, and I liked it off my finger. As I did, Magnus gave me a look he gives me when he's mad at me for being a flirt, but it's not my fault, I totally can't really help it. Anyway, it turned me on so much, because that look means he is going to give it to me hard, and now I need to wait for another hour because he's still with his parents. And I'm so horny and he told me not to touch myself until he gets here, but I'm sooo wet and I'm grinding on the chair anyway (super blush). What's wrong with me, I just need to feel his hands on me. I just need to feel his hard cock and to feel his hot cum. I also told him to check this blog on his iphone, and I know he will be reading it as he takes the bus back. I guess that's mostly why I started writing, because when Magnus gets here I don't want to have to wait for his hot cum. I want his cock full. I want it right away, and I know this is one way to get it faster :) Please hurry Magnus x