Giving Myself Away

One of the first times I talked to Magnus he was holding my hands from across the table. He looked directly into my eyes and said: "you should avoid me, Mary. I will end up hurting you." I shook my head and said that he wouldn't, no matter what. He said: "you will begin to love me, and then you will want me for yourself, and you will not be able to let me go. If you can't let me go entirely, I might never come back." I nodded and said that I understood. I said that I was his and that he was not mine, and that I was strong enough to love him like this. I was so sure I could love him under any conditions. My sisters loved him, and continue to love him, and they told me to stay away too. They said they didn't want to see me hurt, but I thought they just wanted less competition. I had no idea.

I knew Magnus had lots of girlfriends. When he introduced himself to me I had already read his whole blog. I felt like I already knew him so well. I felt like it was impossible for him to hurt me. When we are together he is so tender and passionate and he makes me feel so comfortable and sexy. When we are apart I write to him and he writes to me. From the time we first made love he told me all about what he was doing and who he was with. He has no secrets with me or any of us girls and is sure we always know who he is with and what he is doing. On Thursday I read about his evening with Lin before I met him for lunch. He had talked about her, and I had met her, but as I read I just couldn't help feeling sad. Something inside me yearns to be everything Magnus wants. I think "why would he need her when he could have me?" I knew I wasn't allowed to feel angry, but I just, well, was. When I got to his place he embraced me and kissed me, and could tell something was up.

After lunch we sat on the couch and he asked me what was wrong. The way he touches me makes him almost impossible to be angry at, but I still pouted and told him that I had been disappointed when I read about Lin. I asked him why he needed her when he could have me any way he wants? He told me he loves me, and when you love someone, you set them free. You let them blow like the wind and let their love find you. He said love does not envy or covet or restrain, but is forever free so long as we open our hearts and our souls. He was kissing my hand as he told me this and I just melted. I suddenly couldn't imagine what came over me, and he started giving me a foot massage, going on about how much he hopes I never envy or hate or do anything to distance myself from him. I knew I never would. He just warms me so easily, and it's unfair, just impossible. I suddenly needed him more than ever as his hands moved over my toes.

Then I felt he was hard under his jeans and began rubbing him through his pants with my toes. Back and forth as he told me more about how love just somehow finds a way against all odds so long as we trust and believe in it. He looked at me and I looked at his crotch then back into his eyes. He got the idea and pulled his cock out of his pants and then I started to give him a foot job! I had never done that, but I learned to sort of brace it with one foot and rub with the other. He leaned his head back and I felt him get harder against my feet. Then he took a picture, and I started to get into it, and he took more pictures. Giving a foot job is hard work because it turns out feet really weren't designed perfectly for the task. So, I got up, crawled down between his legs, and gave him something that he could feel a little better. By now I was completely over my funk and determined to make it up to him. Before long he grabbed me and threw me so I sort of dove back onto the couch, and I could her him jacking off to my feet and I don't know why, but this was an extreme turn on. After a minute he came all over my feet! Then he sat down, put my feet back on his lap and took a few more pictures. I just can't imagine anyone else doing this, but with Magnus, it's just like nothing out of the ordinary, and I think I already knew he would post those pictures on his blog, which he did. After that it was time for class, so I cleaned up, he kissed me, and, so, that was basically how I made it up to him.

It's hard loving him sometimes, but I'm getting better. I will remember to trust him and know that he loves me even when he is with other girls. After all, I know he still loves them when he is with me. For now, I just know that the more I give myself to Magnus completely, the more love will find me.