so hard

Oh, Magnus, the things I do for you. I want to do them, because you need and want me to, but you seem to know exactly what is hard for me. You know what embarrasses me and what I struggle to accept. I welcome it, all of it, and want you to ask more of me. You say I mustn't tell anyone about these things, and I have not. You say that I must not be rewarded for them by anyone but you. Oh, how I wonder why this is. How I wonder what your plan is for me. Haven't I proven I am able to please you? Haven't I shown you that my body and my mind can accommodate you? At least a little? Oh please, tell me what you need from me. I don't ask for pleasure, or for pain, or for happiness unless it is your desire. Use me, and know I am yours to use. You know this already, but you must believe that my words are backed with sincerity. You tell me that I am weak in spirit and in mind. You tell me I must understand the truth of my condition, but you will not tell me how. Oh, how I wish to know these things if you will only tell me. You say I must discover them for myself, but please, tell me a clue, or where to go. I am yours now and always. x